Arranged marriage—are you in?

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Question: Have you ever known someone that has gone through an arranged marriage? Would you ever go through one? That’s an archaic and outdated practice, some of you may say but it is actually still being practiced in some cultures. Contrary to popular belief, arranged marriages are not all bad. Yes, some arranged marriages are done solely for “business” purposes (as in a forced marriage or a child marriage) without regard to the objections of the child, but there are still some done solely for the good of the child, to help him/her find a compatible mate. In these arranged marriages, both parties involved usually have no initial feelings of love or attraction towards each other, but because they want and are ready to marry, they willingly go into this arranged marriage. As the marriage progresses though, love begins to develop slowly and steadily, until both parties can say that they are 100% in (in like, in love…). A certain kind of love develops from this, an unconditional kind of love and once this kind of love is formed (in any relationship), it’s very hard to break, regardless of what happens in the marriage. Usually, these arranged marriages last for a lifetime…not all the time but usually, depending on how much time and effort both parties are willing to put into the relationship. Some proponents of arranged marriages say arranged marriages tend to work because the head-rushing, heart-palpitating romantic love not present. They believe that individuals can be too influenced by the effects of this love to make a logical choice. A friend of mine told me about a friend of hers whose marriage was arranged. At first, she wasn’t really into her husband. He was nice and quite attractive but she wasn’t “in love” with or attracted to him. As the months progressed, the embers of love began to develop and now, she is “100%” in, as my friend puts it. This is not a dissertation on the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages though, as I’m quite sure each of you have your own opinions on this topic. “So, where are you going with this?” you may be wondering. Well, keep reading .

Our relationship with God sort of begins like an arranged marriage. There are no initial feelings of love when we begin a relationship with God (and by love, I mean the steady, unconditional kind of love)…at least there wasn’t for me. I mean, I felt that conviction to surrender my life to Him, but I couldn’t say I was in love with Him. I mean, you really can’t love or trust someone you don’t know, right? So, yes, I entered into a relationship with God not because I was forced (God is very gentle and will never force anyone into a relationship with Him), but because I was willing (and because He drew me to Him…after all, it is God who draws all men to repentance, right?). So yes, we feel the conviction to surrender our lives to Him, and we respond (by His Grace). What happens next is up to us though because God has already lavished His unconditional love on each of us by giving us the Gift of His son, that we may have eternal life and be in relationship with Him. Like the arranged marriage mentioned above, are you allowing the embers of love for God develop or are you constantly in and out of relationship with God? The children of Israel had this problem…one minute they were totally devoted to God, and the next, they were chasing after other gods (Deut. 9:12-13). They had an “uncircumcised” heart, a double-minded heart, which James calls “unstable in all [its] ways” (James 1:8, NKJV).

In any kind of relationship, including the marriage relationship, the development of love is determined by how much quality time and effort both parties are willing to put into the relationship. Likewise, the development of our love for God is determined by how much time we are willing to spend in His presence. The more we spend in His presence, the more He reveals Himself and His love to us. The more we are able to grasp “the width and length and depth and height” of His love for us, the more our love for Him, and thus our commitment to Him develops…we love Him because He first loved us (Eph 3: 17-19; 1 John 4:19). Once we realize that nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus and remain rooted and grounded in this love, the storms of life will not be able to crush us and our relationship with God will remain stable. (Rom 8:35; 2 Cor 4:8-9).

So are you “100%” in or are you trying to “divorce” your relationship with God? Can you say with confidence that no matter what hardships comes your way, you will remain “steadfast and immovable” (1 Cor 15:58), not turning your back on your relationship with God? It is up to us, brothers and sisters! God has already said that He will never stop loving us, that His love for us is unconditional. He has promised to never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). It is my prayer that we will remain steadfast and immovable and that we will determine in our hearts to be 100% committed to our relationship with God.

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